Questionaire by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendancies?

7. Why do you hetersexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?

8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they'd face?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

11. With all the societal support marriage receives the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone was hetersexual like you?

14. Could you trust a hetersexual therapist to be objective? Don't you hear (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?

15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?

16. THere seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have ben developed which might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

I found this long ago through a blog post by Mav, a good friend of mine.
This is a very relative topic to me lately as I struggle forward. There is always a light at the end of tunnel but things like this remind me how to properly use the lantern of my heart.

This quote sums up my faith very well:
Gandhi: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ."

 I love running in that kind of rain. My fashion advice for this Layers!
Tanktop/muscle-tee/sports-bra( for the ladies), T-Shirt over that and and some form of thermal or sweatshirt. Short rain jacket if needed. Sweats, Short,s or water proof running pants depending on your style. OH and thick socks with running shoes :) Layering keeps your core warm and insulated to keep you warm when your really drenched. I wear insulated nike running pants what are waterpoof outside, cost me 15 bucks at Big 5.

Went running today with my IronMan training hero: I Metro'd to Foggy Bottom, walked for a bit and jogged to Georgetown and ended up hailing a cab to get to my destination which turns out to be Tennlytown were we met up. My internal naviagation and mental maps improved a lot on the way too.  We jogged through and around Georgetown...it was great! I feel like a million bucks. I stopped at a convience store before jogging into the school and picked up some Gatorade and a protien bar.

I cleaned up and changed into my fresh cloths and damn I feel super charged up.
It was misting out so though we got pretty drenched in light rain, I stayed very cool.
What a wonderful start to the morning!

I'm not sure if I ever made a public update about this or not thus I'm doing so now.

I have reconsidered joining the USAF and I will be pursuing my Doctorate after I finish my Masters (will be done by the end of the year).
I decided I want to teach, I love teaching and my Nicolos Cage / Jim Carey entertainment style will likely keep students intersted.  When Jenny said good by to me she stressed that she'd never met anyone like me...I've heard that enough times I had to fight myself from feeling like a cliche. Heartbreak always hurts, thats the nature and risk of falling. Thus I am processing the hurt and avoiding the negative thoughts that are irrational.  I know there is no one like me...its been very lonely, and I thought I met someone very special that was similiar and yet it wasn't meant to be. I'm continuing the momentum from which she inspired me though, I don't want to lose the positive lessons from our friendship/romantic connection. I am continuing my physical fitness training for the marathon and working out. Debatably I'm in the best shape of my life and getting stronger, more agile and more energy as time continues.

I'm not sure what I will get my Doctorate in yet, or where. I'm considering GLBT and Womens Issues, alternatively I may look at a PHD spiriuality and wellness. I'm reading a book on life coaching and developing spirituality (not religion) to guide our lives. We'll see. This is the plan and area of focus while I work my but off to complete my classes and prepare for my national exam. I'm sure everything has happened for a reason, and that God will guide me on my journey.

Oh and in the future if I can find the money I'm going to start doing yoga. I'm burnt out with martial arts, I want to do peaceful things that inspire harmoney.

I went for my 3-4 mile walk last night. I think it's definately helping with the circulation and healing of the muscles, tendons and what not. My ankles, calfs, knees and hips feel a lot better. I've been reading and it appears I've been working out many of the support and stabalizer muslces I haven't used before. While checking out my legs to see the difference I saw that my knees and muslces around the knees looked very strange...bigger. Apparently the running has triggered significant muslce around the knee area which must stablize me.

I've increased my calcium intake 10fold. Taking calcium pills at night and using 2% milk instead of water for my whey protien shakes. I'm sure it will help me fortify my bones and musles that connect to them. Abs have shown some toning too, but that might be some of the extra fat starting to burn from runnning/walking.

It astounds me I used to shoot for 1 mile a day, but counting my walk last night and the walk home from the bus I've done at least 4-5 yesterday without much effort. I may start jogging more nights as my endurance improves and my body finishes adapting the muscles needed to structure and support the punishment I'm giving to my body :) My immune system will love me lots too for feeding it exercise.

Randy Pausch is one of the greatest inpsirational speakers I've ever heard.
He's actually a computer geek VR professor that was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
He remained an pinacle of inspriation through out the course of his prognosis.

This is: The Last Lecture





If your looking for inspiration about time management and your goals this is a great lecture.
He's a lot of fun to watch and puts life in a unique perspective.

Time Management ( He did this after the last lecture)

Unexpected events both bad and good can inspire us to act and start a reaction of change for the better? Obviously the good events are preferred but using the annoyances and challenges can be equally helpful. The good events are like a cool glass of water or a wonderful moment with a special person, these events all can have special and unique meanings and outcomes, sometimes they require interpretation and action to make them equally magical and amazing as overcoming the bad events. So live it up when the good things happen bask in the moment fully allow yourself to feel the excitement, comfort, warmth, coolness or even joy :)

1st off, I found housing on my 1st day of looking, and its affordable.

I found am amazing place with great roommates, movie theaters and amazing grocery stores are near by. It's a room in a Town House for $550 a month. It is beautiful too, i'll be able to workout and run and get ready for BASIC so if I decide to do it I'll be ready. Additionally i think the exercise will help lots.

Finding part time work shouldn't be a problem, and I'll have lots and lots to keep me busy, learning a new language, relearning my math skills and doing GRE vocab training (trying to get smarter :P)

My room isn't huge but the house is extremely well setup and furnished :D.
I'm taking a recliner, buying twin bed, my portable desk, brining a yoga ball and maybe an office chair. I'll pick up some cheap drawers at Home Depot and put together my a setup. I'm going to bring some decent suits, and lots of casual/professional cloths. Oh and my XBOX 360 +rock band 2 :P for fun.

I know I'm on the verge of too many projects so rather then stressing out over it I'm going to keep a few on the table and switch as my attention dictates. Hopefully I'll keep reading and studying and moving through them. I'm excited its time to grow and stretch myself again. I picked up a pre-calculous book to start relearning math skills. Not sure if I'll have to take a test for USAF but it can't hurt. If i can blow through that book I'll pick up the Calc book too.

Oh and my comps study materials came, I'll be ready for the NCE test. The Audio CD's have some really great info as does the book. I can tell I need to just go through the whole thing and start reviewing it. It's so much info and with a fast delivery, repetition will help. I have to be ready by April 13th. The NCE exam is harder then the comps exam but is the same material and gives a credential WOOT.

I'm glad I'm not rushing into the USAF and preparing, because it will give me time to be sure.

Preparing for comps: Ordered my comps prep exam materials
The site looked kinda shady in a way but the credentials and learning style seem to fit me so what the heck. Hopefully I'm not out $200.00 The authors home site was shady but i found his works (used) on amazon and people like them. A red flag was his testimonials some were duplicated...but the same stories tracked with the names which means it could just be a publishing error. I'm considering this a calculated risk. His paypal and amazon ratings where high and his Degree's and Certifications track as someone who could be an expert. If his CD's and study materials are super helpful i'll be a promoter to my cohorts:)

Taking comps:
I found out I need to take my comps in april before the the end of my last class.
April 10, 2009 or July 17, 2009 not sure exactly, depends on Argosy's actions. Either way i have less then 6 months to study for it and to my classes. I'm hoping it prepares me for practicum better too. I really feel under prepared on the whole, however I keep being told this skill is learned through practice.

Fighting my way through vague paperwork and poor institutional organization
I got all the paper work in and hopefully its accepted. There are 3 different dates listed places for deadlines. If i go by what i was emailed and the paper work i filled out the deadline is Dec 15th for a May Practicum...and i'm in the clear. If not...and they somehow are using the date "No 15" posted obscurely on the website then...I'll have to get out my boxing gloves and get ready for an administrative fight.

To graduate I must:
- Be approved for my practicum: I just emailed the paperwork hopefully they will accept a scanned signature.
- Pass all my required courses: This should be done in May
- Pass my comps (CPCE): I ordered some study my materials. I about 6 months to prepare. Test date April 10 or July 17th.
- Practicum: 600 hours. Honestly I'm not sure how long this will take I'm thinking I can do it in one semester. May, June, July, August. Possibly September, October but i'm hoping to rock it out.
---DONE---

Career Choice:
Then I have 2 possible career options that I am considering:
- U.S. Air Force: Many great reasons for me to do this that I've previously covered. I believe I'd be an amazing officer and be able to strive for greatness, and do very well. Additionally I can pursue my EdD degree at my leisure once I've settled a bit. And I have counseling as job security upon retirement if I want a change.

- Pursue Counseling: Locate someone I can get hours from (Jacs said her mom would hook me up). Get my 3000 Hours and then get my license while perusing my EdD degree and Boise State. I'd have a doctorate before the age of 35.

Then if all tracks, I'll join the USAF and start a new a career.

Do I have regrets about the time and money spent on my Masters Degree? While I am not done and the vote could still be out I'm going to say: No. I acknowledge I could have done it better and from a university that better fit me; however that lesson has been learned and I won't make the same mistake with my EdD Degree.

Why did I get the degree?
I pursued my masters to allow me to do work that I found more enjoyable and rewarding then IT. However as it turns out the money and time to become a licensed professional are reasonable, but fail to satisfy my achievement desires. A Masters Degree however is something I've always wanted to achieve. I believe I will still continue to learn how to apply what I've learned in my life to help others when god places me at the right place at the right time.

Why an EdD degree?
- To satisfy my ego and achieve the highest level of education short of a PHD
- I will learn how to teach what I know better :) I know I can really use that skill.
- I'd like to teach when I retire or if by some strange reason don't make a promotion cut and am forced to Separate early.

Why the Air Force again?
- The challenge: I've felt I was meant for more...then what I've faced, I want to be more.
- Opportunity to serve my country: Seriously I enjoy being apart of the system.
- Grow as a leader: Further develop my leadership skills and talents.
- Personal achievement: I'm thinking Colonel and who knows, maybe General :D
- I am extremely fond of this branch of service: I used to have posters up all over my room :)
- World travel: 30 Day paid vacations leave me lots of room to travel
- Tuition reimbursement: Get my EdD degree cheap
- Time to pay off my student loans: Debt free from all my education
- A physical push and motivation to stay physically and mentally fit
- Time to deepen my relationship with god while I work on my career and personal goals.
- Benefits: The health and recreation benefits provide and infrastructure to do all the above and continue to follow my dreams and grow in ways I've yet to understand and deepen my relationship with god.

Conclusion:
I haven't fully committed to anything yet, but this is where I stand. I could have a good life with counseling or career military; However in my heart, I have the most to gain from a career military choice. Life is short and I'd like to do this now and experience more of this world then a Counseling degree will allow me. I will never forsake my god and my morale principles are inline with the U.S.A.F. Thus I am left with 2 great options, USAF option expires at 35, however counseling is an open ended option for me. And this just proves my point, there are always options, some we like more then others :) I'm sure I'll meet people at the right place and time and be able to offer my assistance regardless where I am. God watches over me and will guide me on my path.

If you're interested in my musing's you'll need to add me as a friend and then make a personal request to me to add you to the group with access. If you are able to see the blogs updated after this, then you are in the group already.